its PMS, and it sucks!

No guys have an idea what is actually the feeling of having a PMS. I’m no good in science or human biology subject at school but I can explain how I feel during my PMS week.

I’ve noticed I will have my PMS less than 10 days before my period. Within this week, I would have the most fragile emotion and thoughts that I normally couldn’t control. I would chuck my phone aside, and feeling lonely at the same time. Every little thing will consciously get into my way, and it would make my emotion gone from stable to unwise. All the bad memories will flash back in my mind, and I won’t be able to block it. I will try to dig and search where I went wrong. I would feel the bad things happened are my fault. I will feel as low as you can imagine.

Sometimes I would cry for no reason. But after the crying, I would feel like I just threw a big burden off my shoulder. But still I have a disturb feeling. The most frighten thing is that at this period of time, my patience, my tolerance are so little. I’ll get angry very easily. Annoy too. I do have problem to control it. Normally my family, Iman & Ash will be my “punching bag”. And believe me, I don’t enjoy this. This is something that I cannot control.

I have tried so many things to reduce this “sickness”. Sometimes, before my PMS comes, I will buy chocolate or a better remedy is carbonated drink. I noticed, sometimes, by consuming this, the “PMS sickness” is lessened. Carbonated drink on the hand can help smoothing the period flow, even it’s preventing from having a heavy period cramp.

Oh well, I’m not sure why suddenly I wrote about this, only that my main reason was I just want some people to understand what some woman go through during this stage of time. Its not that something we made up, it’s just something came naturally with our body. The more you feel brutally treated by those who are having PMS, the more far worst we who are having it.

Next time if you, GUYS know you are about to face the PMS-er, buy boxes of chocolate in advance!

My "Hantaran"

Weather in KL is so hot these couple of weeks. Can you imagine our a/c at home feels like a normal fan? It made me feel uncomfortable and grumpy. But I couldn’t complain much, as I always remind myself, hell are much much hotter than this! Helluva reminder huh…?!!

Anyhooz…despite of feeling like been baked in an oven for 2 weeks, I am actually quite excited. My “prospective mother in law” had called my mother to fix the date for “merisik”. Merisik is actually a Malay word, which I can’t find the English word, where by the boy family will come to the girl’s house to have a meeting to discuss about their 2 children’s engagement day. On this day, the 2 families will get to know each other better and will give a final decision of the date, the “hantaran” (the gifts), the theme color, the venue and etc. Yes, we do give sorts of gifts to each other besides the ring for the girl. Nice huh..?

In Malay culture, the “hantaran” have to be given by odd number, and the boy gets to give lesser than the girl. For example, Ash and I are planning to choose 7 vs 9. So Ash will give me 7 trays and I will reward him 9 trays. This “ritual” will be repeated on the wedding day too. But the numbers must be higher than the engagement day numbers.

The gifts are mostly foodstuff, like fruit, chocolate, cupcake, cookies, shoe and bag, or a blouse, sunglasses and perfume but the most important and must have things are include, decorative betel leaves, Quran, and our malay traditional costume. It will be placed on a tray for each gift and will be decorated according to the color theme that has been agreed by the families.

So… I haven’t decide the gifts for Ash. I will stick with the traditional stuff, not going to be too “grand”, just will keep as simple as I possibly could. These items are in my mind,

The beige fabric is for our "akad nikah" costume. I will explain that when the day comes.

Yaaah.. that's about it. I hope everything will go as planned. Its only a matter of time.

My wedding favors

Lately, my facebook seems quiet. So I distracted my interest on my plan for my spring wedding. Al though it was unclear when or where, I still dream or plan like other normal female.

My idea of wedding favors is to give away some kind of foodstuff rather than an object gift. Well, you can say I’m a penny-pinching or “taik idung masin”, but to me, you are about to spend a lot of money for your big day, just trying to spend it wisely. Unless you are a billionaire heiress!

The actual reason why I chose foodstuff is because, if let say you have left over, you can give it away to your neighbors, to your little cousins or maybe a “sedekah” to surau, and at the same time you feel good about it. There won’t be a case where by you stack the entire wasted gift under your bed, and recycle it when your daughter gets married!

At first I was thinking colorful cupcake or mini cupcake but my mother wasn’t that agree. She said something about my hometown, Sarawakian famous sweet delegacy, Kek Lapis. (Layer cake) It was a good idea, because it represents me as a Sarawakian and I am marrying a guy from the west coast. Since the core pattern of the cake can be custom made, my idea is to ask them to make a heart shape and write a Terima Kasih, as in English, Thank You in the middle of it. And this is surely a bit costly lah! And I’m not sure if they can actually craft the appreciation speech in the middle of the cake.

That’s when I decided to find other option. So I found this! It is a various shape of butter cookie with cute colorful decorative sugarpaste on top. The cookie can be butter cookie, or oatmeal, or chocolate cookie, and of course the appreciation speech on it. It will be packed 2 pieces in one package.

The packaging for this kind of favors doesnt really need fancy one. You can just wrap it with transparent cookie wrapper and tie it with a colourful ribbon!

love is in the air

For all we know, this month is the love month. Valentine's day is on this month. This is the month which make the teenagers gone wild with the sweet present and poem, chocolate and candy. Same goes with the adult. Maybe the different is we the adult make it more details and meaningful as a present like sexy lingerie, delicious recipes and a candle light dinner or a seductive presidential honeymoon suite with fresh rose petals on the bed! But for all we know, this month IS the love month.

Since its the love month, the TV channel are full with love movies. Al though I'm not a fan, but i still feel the love. Maybe because I'm a woman, we are more sensitive when comes to love. Or maybe the plan of getting married, which made me wanted to watch and take lessons from the movies. I know, that is the last thing a wise person should do, but hey, i will try anything just to improve my relationship much better. One of the movie i watched, has left a big question in my head. Does a woman could really change a man? Or is it the power of love that change them?

To be honest, up until now, I'm not sure of the answer to the question. from my experiences, i failed to change people that i loved. It doesn't mean that I'm no good to my lovers, just that i have a principal. I don't change people, i want people to change for me, willingly. I have bad lucks with the past love, but i found true love now, and we're happy as an average couple. He willingly changed. Well, that is what i see, i could be wrong, but i know deep down in me, he did change for the better, for me. He became a responsible father to my foster child and a responsible boyfriend to me.

What i dream when I'm in love is to have an almost perfect life with my lover and our family. I would dream that we will be sitting on a porch waiting for our children to come home on a festive season. I would dream that we wont get bored with each other, we still laugh at each other's jokes even we are old. Our eyes still sparkle and our heart still beating excessively hard when we look at each other. That is the life i dream of. The ever lasting happiness.

When every time i look at this photo, i would shed tears yet feel very envy. Envy of their live together. They reach 90 years old of age and still live happily with their spouse. They are the one who gets to sit on a porch waiting for their children coming home every festive season.

These are my grandparents. The photo were taken on their last anniversary together. My grandpa, passed away last year April at the age of 91. He was married to my grandmother for almost 60 years. This is the life that we deserve.

We need to change for the better for each other in order to have an endless happy life. Happy Valentine's day!

Heaven untuk Si Pemalas

Aku rasa semua manusia ada sifat malas. Cuma percentage malas dalam seseorang ya berbeza. Ada orang malas sikit, and ada orang malas banyak. Sama juak jenis jenis malas. Ada bermacam macam jenis malas. Ada orang dilahirkan dengan sifat malas, ada yang datang malas sebab dah kepak gilak, ada malas sebab banyak gilak orang gaji, dan ada yang malas mengada mengada.
Aku.., malas dari lahir campur dengan malas mengada mengada! hebat nak?

Walaupun aku tauk aku ada penyakit malas, aku ada juak cuba untuk mengatasinya. Lebih lebih lagi bila aku dah ada Iman. Tapi sometimes, malas aku menguasai semua.

Pemikiran orang malas tok adalah yang paling kreative sekali mun dibandingkan dengan orang yang rajin. Orang malas akan cuba imagine macam ne nak nyuruh sesuatu kerja jadi mudah, supaya, nya sik payah ngeluar peluh OR supaya nya cepat kembali tergeler geler. For example, mun nangga tv, remote jauh gilak, mulalah nya carik anak buah kah, cousin cousin yang biak biak kah, sapa sapa yang melimpas ngambikkan remote ya. Ada juak terpikir, alangkah bagus mun semua restoran ada molah delivery. Ya nang killing 2 birds with 1 stone lah ya. Nendaknya? sik payah masak,satu, sik payah ke kedey makan meli makanan satu. Kuatan malas nya, makan ajak fast food seminggu seminggu!

Anyway.. nak "menyeronokkan" cerita, aku adalah terjumpa sebuah kedai runcit yang, memang di own oleh seorang yang boleh tahan juaklah pemalas nya. Dont get me wrong bukan menghina ok, tok adalah pujian diberik dengan kerana, idea nya nang terbaik! Kedai runcit tok actually kedey MESRA, PETRONAS. Tauk kenak kedei nya untuk pemalas? sebab nya ada DRIVE THRU!!

best sik???

This kedey located near my house, around USJ 20, on the way ke Puchong and Shah Alam. Barang barang di sitok, sama macam kedey nya juak, sik ada kurang or sik ada minimum order. But you have to remember and u have to know how to describe the barang barang yang nak dibeli lah. Kebaikan? Banyak ler! Obviously you dont have to carik parking, bejalan, berdiri berbaris kat counter, instead, you only bebaris sambil duduk menyandar dalam air conditioning car!

See how pemalas pun pemikiran?

I wonder if GIANT,TESCO,MYDIN or CARREFOUR ada terfikir nak molah benda yang sama, dalam masa terdekat? haha...!

P/S: Salute to USJ 20 Mesra Petronas owner!

ref: http://www.petrolworld.com/asia-headlines/malaysia-new-era-for-mesra-c-stores.html

Cucur udang

When i read all my posting, i realised i sounded so stiff and broken language, so i decided to tukar bahasa ke bahasa sarawak! so im sorry to those who sik faham, coz i cannot bear to have ideas to write but susah benar nak disampeikan ngn tulisan. sakit jak rasa nya.

anyway...aku tok nak cerita sikit pasal my mother and cucur udang mak ku. Ok before i continue, please dont judge my posting lah, bukan nak bukak pekung di dada, cuma just style aku, kelaka according to benda yang betul. Aib kah sik aib kah ya terpulang kepada individu untuk menilailah. I as a human sik dapat control nilaian orang lain.

So back with my mak pun cucur udang. Mak aku tok is a workoholic, she started work lepas sekolah and now still working, retiring in 2 years time. Kamek duak actually jarang tinggal sama only masa aku sekolah and few time when aku need to stay with her, like right now. Jadi disebabkan nya dah biasa tinggal sorang, nya jarang memasak, and tambah lagik, nya sik berapa pandey masak. But when come to nya pun cucur udang, nang nyaman lah. Rupa nya nang jaiklah tapi when you makan, rasa nya just nice, with udang, daun bawang and daun sup nya. cecah sos cili gik,..... ermmmm terbaik!

Bila aku melayan cucur udang ya, sigek sigek, datanglah aku tek bepikir. kita tok boleh dikatakan kedak cucur udang mun dinilai orang yang baru kenal kita. kita mungkin ditangga or dinilai orang daripada cerita kita, daripada personality kita. macam kita membancuh adunan cucur undang bah. Macam macam jak ditangga kita apa yang dicampur dalam adunan ya. Tepung, air, putih telur, daun bawang, daun sup, SMELLY udang, a pinch of garam. Macam kita nak? Mun kita baruk kenal orang ya, kita mesti nangga nya bercerita, cara nya poret, cara nya tetak, cara nya express feeling nya. then kita judge. Macam orang yang sik pernah makan cucur udang juaklah. Kita nangga jak rupanya jaik jak, dahlah ada udang lamya, with all the daun2, nyaman kah sik cucur tok. Bila dah dirasa dalam mulut, baruklah tauk camne rasa sebenarnya cucur ya tek. Texturenya lembut with rasa masin cukup, with hot red isi udang dalam nya.Jadi orang yang sik pernah merasa cucur udang ya, mestilah mok rasa untuk menilai menakah nyaman cucur ya.

Lainlah mun orang dah tauk camne rasa cucur udang ya, sidak sik payah lah go thru all the observation, menilai semua sebab sidak dah tau dah rasa cucur udang ya camne. Nyaman kah sik nyaman kah ya belakang cerita. Janji sidak dah tauk rasa nya camne. They dont have to choose nak makan kah sik makan. They will stay "ber penge TAHU an akan rasa cucur udang ya.

Aku rasa, bila kita menjalinkan silaturahim yang teramat erat, kita semua berhak untuk menegur, menilai seseorang ya. If kita berkawan or bersaudara, mun kita sik ada concern and couldnt care less pasal sidaknya, sebab kita tek sik maok di cop gago hal orang, then i would say that person to you, is like a person yang kita jumpa di station bas. yang kita cuma nangga, and duduk sebelah nya. Yang kita sik ada rasa apa feeling pun nak madah apa apa dengan nya. Mungkin cara yang paling bagus, cara yang aku sendiri sekarang mesti mok di practice ialah confrontation. Of course we have to know the person really really well, to tegor or anok salah segok sidaknya. But if we start to judge or bitch orang yang kita sik kenal langsung ati perut nya that is consider wrong.

But hey, who doesnt do such thing? I think everybody does!

So now, i guess i need to taste anything that is new to me. I wont easily jump into conclusion or making my own speculation to someone or something that i just jumpa or just tangga. I will still keep my bluntness but of course practise confrontation rather than keeping it inside. With this people will understand more and giving a good evaluation of me.

P/S: silalah tafsir sendiri apa yang tersirat & tersurat. nilai nilailah sendiri, saya redha! :))